Choices and Consequences

Denial of Paternal Abuse & 7 Signs That You'd Be Better Off Ending a Relationship

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By psychologytoday, 24 April, 2023

Editor's Note Foreword:

  • 2024-05-30:
    Isaac & Maritza (aka Chad & Stacy)     have been apart since she stormed  out on May 8th, 2024.
     
  • 2023-06-29:
    Isaac     (aka Chad) & Maritza (aka Stacy) have been working through this matter and are presently in a state of cohesion. Every choice has its consequences by God's agency and/or actors' comprehension.

 

 

EVITACION TIMELINE

332 DAYS ABSENTIAL — 263+69=332
This breakdown is initiated from the death of Ms Maritza Elizabeth Orozco Ortiz's Mother Ms Hilda Esperanza Orozco Ortiz on July 5th, 2021. The pattern exists...

ONGOING VIOLATION OF SACRAMENT OF MATRIMONY REQUIRES ANNULMENT TO ANNE
20241112    20241223+ ≥17 days absence —— Nov12 '24 » Dec23+ '24    27
20240921    20241107   42 days absence —— Sep21 '24 » Nov07  '24    26
20240914    20240915   01 days absence —— Aug22 '24 » Sep15  '24    25
20240822    20240913   23 days absence —— Aug22 '24 » Sep13  '24    24
20240808    20240809   01 days absence —— Aug08 '24 » Aug09  '24    23
20240708    20240709   01 days absence —— Jul08 '24 » Jul09  '24    22
20240508    20240706   60 days absence —— May08 '24 » Jul06  '24    21
20231218    20231219   02 days absence —— Dec18 '23 » Dec19  '23    20
20231028    20231029   02 days absence —— Oct28 '23 » Oct29  '23    19
20231014    20231021   08 days absence —— Oct14 '23 » Oct21  '23    18
20231009    20231012   04 days absence —— Oct09 '23 » Oct12  '23    17
20230501    20230503   03 days absence —— May01 '23 » May03  '23    16
20230421    20230428   08 days absence —— Apr21 '23 » Apr28  '23    15
20230401    20230411   10 days absence —— Apr01 '23 » Apr11  '23    14
20221006    20221213   69 days incense —— Oct06 '22 » Dec13  '22    69
20220926    20221003   07 days absence —— Sep26 '22 » Oct03  '22    13
20220909    20220914   05 days absence —— Sep09 '22 » Sep14  '22    12
20220613    20220622   09 days absence —— Jun13 '22 » Jun22  '22    11
20220601    20220611   10 days absence —— Jun01 '22 » Jun11  '22    10
20220514    20220516   03 days absence —— May14 '22 » May16  '22    09
20220502    20220512   10 days absence —— May02 '22 » May12  '22    08
20220421    20220423   03 days absence —— Apr21 '22 » Apr23  '22    07
20220331    20220401   03 days absence —— Mar31 '22 » Apr01  '22    06
20220308    20220309   02 days absence —— Mar08 '22 » Mar09  '22    05
20211212    20211213   02 days absence —— Dec12 '21 » Dec13  '21    04
20211210    20211212   03 days absence —— Dec10 '21 » Dec12  '21    03 
20211127    20211130   04 days absence —— Nov27 '21 » Nov30  '21    02
20211024    20211026   03 days absence —— Oct24 '21 » Oct26  '21    01 
20210705    HILDA DIES AND IS.. BURIED —— UNTIL DEATH DO US PART    00
20210601   VATICAN MANDATES PUNISHMENT FOR CHILD RAPIST FATHERS     -1


         See similar occurrence about the..
         Usage of mature kids and protecting therapists of children.

—————————————————————————————————————————————
20210705     MARITZA'S MUM DIED, SNOWBALL STARTS ROLLING. MARI IS NOT AN ADULT.
MARITZA PROTECTS HER RAPIST FATHER AS MORE IMPORTANT THAN HER HUSBAND LIKE JUST ABOUT ANY OTHER TRAUMATIZED SEXUAL ABUSE VICTIM, WELL-RAPED DAUGHTER.
—————————————————————————————————————————————

Carla's description was typical of survivors of chronic childhood abuse. Almost always, they deny or minimize the abusive memories. They have to:

it's too painful to believe that their parents would do such a thing. So they fragment the memories into hundreds of shards, leaving only acceptable traces in their conscious minds. Rationalizations like:

  1. "my childhood was rough"
  2. "he only did it to me once or twice"
  3. "it wasn't so bad"

These are common, masking the fact that the abuse was devastating and chronic. But while the knowledge, body sensations, and feelings are shattered, they are not forgotten. They intrude in unexpected ways:

  • through panic attacks and insomnia
  • through dreams and artwork
  • through seemingly inexplicable compulsions
  • through the shadowy dread of the abusive parent

They live just outside of consciousness like noisy neighbours who bang on the pipes and occasionally show up at the door.

― David L. Calof, The Couple Who Became Each Other: Stories of Healing and Transformation from a Leading Hypnotherapist

7 Signs That You'd Be Better Off Ending a Relationship
Here are clues that it's time to end your relationship.

Posted December 27, 2017  Reviewed by Lybi Ma
Zoran Pucarevic/Shutterstock
Source: Zoran Pucarevic/Shutterstock

It's a question I face frequently in my therapy practice and will tackle in my podcast: "I know my relationship has issues, but do I really want to end it right now? Would I truly be better off alone?"

Of course, real life is not an experiment, and there is no control group. We can never be certain about the potential outcomes of the path not taken. Whatever decision you make, it will be the one you'll live with, and you won't ever be able to know with 100-percent certainty how the opposite choice would have turned out.

Sometimes, however, you can make an extremely educated guess. There are concrete signs that a relationship is unhealthy for you, and keeping you from meeting your full potential. Often, the inertia is strong enough that you may choose to remain in the relationship because the short-term discomfort of ending it keeps you trapped. That feels more visceral — the immediate fear of the (temporary) negative consequences of breaking up — even if you know that in the long-term you would be better off. (Many things that are good for us carry this long-term versus short-term battle, from not wanting to get out of bed early for exercise, to being unable to keep from downing an entire sleeve of Girl Scout cookies.)

Of course, we must keep in mind that deciding you're better off alone when you've been married for 35 years is very different than deciding you're better off alone after your fourth date. In a future post, we'll address the steps to take to extract yourself most healthily from a relationship. For now, though, here are some considerations that suggest your partnership lacks the potential to truly fulfill you.

1. There are constant "if-onlys."

Whether it is you, your partner, or both of you having these thoughts, it's a bad sign if there is always a sense that the relationship could be satisfying if only a certain thing fundamentally changed. Yes, many relationships go through phases where things don't feel quite right, but in the case of a relationship that constantly feels like it needs fixing, true satisfaction will always feel just out of reach. One or both people can start to live in the hypothetical and perhaps unattainable future, rather than in the here and now, which precludes the possibility of true happiness. Does your relationship feel 90 percent good, but that other 10 percent is something that nags at you every day and never feels quite solvable? Sometimes, that can be a sign that you'll never fully fit together well.

2. You don't feel understood.

Maybe you feel that you are loved under certain conditions only, or you keep up a facade for your partner. This can get in the way of true emotional intimacy and feel empty over time — the idea that your partner wouldn't genuinely love the "real" you, if you were truly allowing yourself to be that person. Perhaps you are pretending to be someone you're not, hiding an important part of your personality, or even feigning interest in certain hobbies or activities of theirs to keep them happy, letting them call the shots about how you spend your time. Or maybe you are being yourself — and yet you never feel like your partner actually "gets" you. These types of emotional disconnects can lead to profound loneliness that — ironically — may make you feel even more isolated than if you were single.

3. You feel drained by your partner, even when they're not being particularly draining.

In any relationship, there are times when one partner takes more than gives; equal and perfect reciprocity can rarely be maintained all the time. Good relationships have flexibility and don't bean-count. That said, sometimes someone might feel constantly exhausted by a partner — even if that partner isn't really doing much to be exhausting.

When you are always frustrated by a partner, and you feel that you need a break from them far more often than being with them provides a break — that is a sign that something is seriously off. Perhaps it is something fixable, but if you find it hard to solve or even to put your finger on, it could be a sign that being with them is always going to be more taxing than a relationship should be.

4. You hide major parts of your partner from friends and family.

Perhaps you cover up your partner's drinking or lie about how well they treat others. Maybe you're ashamed to admit how often you fight, or you find yourself censoring the fact that your partner has a long-standing problem with gambling, or you've lost trust in their faithfulness. If you find yourself painting a picture of your partner to others that is not at all representative of who they are, it is a sign that they are simply not measuring up to the standards that you know you should have. It's one thing if you don't feel like telling your conservative parents that your new boyfriend grew up on a commune. But if you are consistently making your partner out to be someone they're not to multiple friends or family members, that's a sign that you know they are not someone with whom you're proud to be.

5. You always assume or imagine that they'll change in some major way before you have a future with them.

Perhaps you've spent years imagining your future with your partner — but it includes a different version of them. You fantasize that they'll magically become more ambitious, more kind, or more helpful around the house. You picture that you'll finally be ready to get engaged when they become more responsible, or that once they "see the light" about commitment, you'll feel ready to settle down with them. Don't fall into the trap of committing to a version of a mate that isn't real. Do you want to be with your partner for the person they are, truly, right here and now? That is much more of an important metric.

6. You have to make apologies for yourself, and often.

It is a warning sign to be taken seriously if you frequently have to apologize to your partner for who you are. Does it seem that you are never good enough? Do your partner's standards feel like they can never be met? When taken to the extreme, this is a clear-cut sign of a controlling relationship. But even in its milder forms, it can take a significant toll on your psyche to feel like your very existence involves doing things "wrong." Maybe it even goes in the other direction:
You have big hopes and dreams that you feel "silly" for having, or that you feel that your partner will quash. Do you long for the freedom that would come with living how you want to live, liberated from criticism and guilt? So, why are you keeping yourself from that freedom?

7. Conflict is constant, and you don't fight "right."

Much marital research has shown us that it is not necessarily the presence of conflict, but rather how you fight, that predicts how happy your relationship will be over time. Are your conflicts riddled with unhealthy patterns, like stonewalling, giving each other the silent treatment, or engaging in hurtful personal attacks? Does resentment grow with each argument, with the real problem never truly getting addressed, let alone solved? Do your conflicts feel not like opportunities to resolve differences or times to understand each other's perspective, but rather opportunities to hurt each other and get out some aggression? Unless you both are motivated to work on these patterns, it is not likely that things will magically change to make your relationship smoother.

Have you dealt with any of these situations? Check out my new mental health talk and advice podcast, Baggage Check, and send in your questions!

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Comments

Anonymous (not verified), Thu, 06/20/2024 - 10:33
Young people these days seem to give much status to a bunch of atheist weirdo psychologists. Where are the parents in this, or their faith in God, searching with guidance with proper therapists. As a man of faith I see break ups and lives destroyed all over psychologist lack of faith in God and their easy articles that seem to assume a one solution for all relationships.
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